Midnight Contemplations
by LodestarJumper
Summary: [Thor Ragnarok Spoilers] Loki can't sleep in the after math of Ragnarok. Neither can Thor. Both take solstice in each other's company trying to find some remembrance of peace. (No slash, no smut) (One-Shot)


**Author's Note: Good whatever part of the day it is to you! :) This one-shot was inspired by this picture:**

 **pin /268316090283127438/**

 **Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes! :)**

 **No slash, no smut, language is all K.**

* * *

Midnight Contemplations

Loki does not sleep easily.

Loki sleeps so severely uneasily that him falling asleep in peculiar positions anyone else would find mind boggling on how it was comfortable just became _fact._ Loki would sleep in window sills, on top of shelves, desks...really anywhere he could put himself, often with a book on his lap and hair in his face. When they were in their youth, Thor would give him a firm jab in on his shoulder then stand back as Loki tumbled off whatever it was he was attempting to balance on at the time. Thor thought it was funny, Loki just vividly imagined strangling him. Because surprisingly, the ground and your face meeting a high speeds multiple times can be unpleasant. It's something that he's dealt with since Odin shipped him off to war when he and Thor were somewhere close to Midgardian fifteen. The horrors of war aren't something that slip through fingers easily.

Thor loved the rush of battle, the adrenaline, the thrill of survival.

Loki was haunted by it.

Things never got easier to deal with after that. Yeah, sure, he and Thor and the bumbling idiots four (he should pay more respect to the deceased but, ha, not them) would go out on quests when they were younger than that but it was different then. Thor never wanted to take on anything _too big_ because he wanted to bring back honour, not failure so he chose something just hard enough to tell a good story but not enough to really injure them. There were times though, when Thor severely misjudged and they were left scrambling clawing for survival from their fingertips.

Loki still hated it, though. He's always prefered quests of the literature nature.

The ghosts of war would attack him viciously, but after he fell into the void it was worse. He never really slept there as the tumbled, falling backwards and backwards for ever and ever with the silence choking and the lack of light blinding. He repeated anything and everything he could to himself in effort to choke the silence but nothing helped. It was always _there._ Thanos...Thanos took his issues with sleep, warped it to the point that Loki couldn't close his eyes without seeing the horrors of the torture behind his eyelids for _years._

His mother was always so concerned about it when she came to visit him after he was tossed into the cell after the Midgardian rampage. " _Loki, you look weary, are you sleeping?"_ Loki started casting illusions over himself to ease her worry, if subconsciously. Then came her death and the grief that followed, and _his_ death. Because, as startling as some people may find it and many Asgardian court men would deny it until their final breaths. Loki is loyal to his very core. The threads of loyalty that stretch outwards are something that Loki just _does_ and his desperation for people to return it is suffocating. Few do, or _did_. Loki can count with two fingers the amount of people he trusts:

Thor and his mother.

The list is pathetically small and almost tear worthy. Loki hates it, but he lives. It drives him slightly crazy, admittedly, that no matter how much he claims to hate Thor, the love that drove him to take the blade from Kurse remains, easily. Loki still bares the scar, a rather ugly jagged thing stretching from a little under his heart to the tip of his first rib. That among others.

Needless to say, after Ragnarok and burning Asgard down to the ground everyone was running on adrenaline and worrying about what to do next. " _Where are we to go? What do we do? How could Odin keep this from us? Why don't I remember?"_ From the elder Asgardians who would have been alive during Hela's rage. No one can come up with a solid answer. Thor attempts to calm their people and succeeds, if only for a little. He, in his time away has learned some diplomatic skills. Loki, though he will deny it, was impressed with it yet it gives him a strange empty feeling knowing it.

They are both so different now.

Thor has changed so much sense he last saw him as he denied the throne from Loki-well, _Odin._ If he had accepted, Loki would have given it to him; and he was more than a little startled when he didn't. Thor was chasing after the throne for as long as Loki can remember and his sudden refusal was more of a reward than the throne itself. Loki never wanted the throne, he screamed it at Thor years ago but there he was, king of a kingdom he claimed by deceit. It's all he's good at, anyway, what he was born into.

The sudden quiet, as everyone finally resorts to catching a few winks is almost deafening. Loki, under the guise of Odin had attempted to every way possible to put himself near sound. The silence only drew him back to the void and ( _Revenge will be sweet, Dr. Strange)_ the _nothingness_ there. Loki hides fear by rage. He always does and has. If someone thinks he's angry, they aren't going to think him weak. It's a wall he set up for himself he has yet to remove. When he had fallen through the portals for thirty minutes, Loki could have stopped it in a few seconds if he had his head on right. (He didn't claim the title of the greatest sorcerer in the Nine Realms from party tricks-Loki didn't even _use_ anything beyond illusions and basic hand magic on Midgard. Had he _really_ been trying, there wouldn't have been a failure) No, he was falling because Loki couldn't stop _panicking_ and when he hit the ground all he could feel was the terror clawing up through his throat and grasping at his brain-

" _I've been falling for the last THIRTY MINUTES!"_

Loki lets out a soft sigh and tilts his head to stare at the stars twinkling around the ship from the window sill he's currently sitting on. His back is pressed against one side and his knees tucked in close to his chest the buckles of his boots digging into his upper legs. His cape, removed from the clasps at his back is stretched over his body like a thin blanket (because Thor always believed in thick fabric and Loki thought it stupid ( _why would I want to drag around and extra twenty pounds on my back?))._ Sleep is evading him, once Loki though, if however bitterly, this is no surprise.

He honestly can't remember the last time he _did_ sleep for more than a few hours or so. It must have been sometime a few weeks ago. Asgardians need sleep, if a little less than humans. Jotuns, Loki supposes, are the same. The exhaustion is now starting to pile up on him and his magic is starting to suffer because of it, not severely but Loki can feel the pressure draining him. There water supply has been shaky at best and Loki has been replenishing it through sorcery (he doesn't think anyone's aware of it, though) and it's starting to take it's toll. Food is harder, but with the way everything is quickly depleting, Loki may have to start pulling _that_ from somewhere as well, not that he minds, so long as he can remain useful.

The glass is cool against his arm but it doesn't bother him, if anything it's welcoming. Loki purses his lips together and stares at nothing in particular. He isn't planning anything, isn't figuring out a way to betray Thor in the most painful way he's just...doing nothing and he is content. Thor's trust isn't as heavy of a load to carry as he thought it would be. In fact, really, it makes him feel more secure-as stupid as it is. Loki cut his family ties when he picked up the Casket of Ancient winters some (what, six years now?) ago. And yet, here he is, right back where he started at Thor's side.

" _I love you, my sons."_

It was Odin that brought them together and how poetic it is that his death that did so again. The claimage to their family again was something that Loki's not sure he's ever really going to forget. The disownment had been a driving force in Loki banishing Odin to Earth (even if, after careful study he chose a senior citizen home he knew Odin would be welcome and cared for well in). He never thought twice about it (he did, he _really_ did) and turned to Asgard helping build it up again after Malekith's attack. They managed to rebuild up the city, but not the defenses or the army. Loki tried, he _really_ did to build them up again but it was hard under Odin's guise. The man had such different ambitions than Loki does that trying to slowly turn Odin's ideas to his own took months upon months of playing the people to get them to not question their king's sudden new mind set. Years, really. But Loki is nothing if not patient.

Loki lets out another breath through his nose before slowly stretching his legs out his stiff muscles whining in protest. Loki presses his lips together before shifting down so his back is against the bottom of the sill and his legs are stretched up towards the roof. His green cape flops onto his stomach at the movement and Loki doesn't rearrange it.

Loki interlaces his fingers together and lets them drop onto his stomach letting his muscles relax. He isn't going to sleep, that much his body has confirmed but he can at least do nothing for several hours. He's never been one for being idle but running a kingdom takes every bit of energy he possessed and then some.

"You still sleep like that?" Loki startles slightly, but doesn't let it show beyond a slight hitch upwards of his eyebrows. He turns his head towards the source of the noise to where his brother is standing arms crossed eyebrow raised slightly over his eyepatch having emerged with silence Loki didn't think possible of him. Loki's hair falls away from his shoulders slightly and he eyes his older brother's face for a moment. The eyepatch is something Loki can't stop staring at even though he tries to. It's so strange yet fitting on his older brother's eye Loki isn't entirely sure what to think about it, it suits him, as Loki told him yesterday, it's just...weird. It reminds him strongly of Odin just another resemblance between them. Thor bears all of Frigga's looks and her kindness yet Odin's brisk attitude and hotheadedness. Loki takes after Frigga's soft but careful craftiness and Odin's maliciousness. They are ghosts of their parents but yet merley echoes.

Loki presses his lips together before realizing that he was indeed asked a question, "Yes." He answers, briskly, "You decide that you're above sleeping?" The words come out slightly harsher than he means for them to but Thor doesn't seem bothered. Probably used to his sharper tongue now.

Thor shrugs and moves forward a few steps with the silence he's been gifted that Loki honestly, didn't think he would ever gain. Silence in their quests and "grand aventures" was always Loki and Sif's mission. The stealth is almost unnerving. The part of the ship Loki's in is away from the people the far east if he remembers right. He, Thor, Bruce and Valkyrie are sharing quarters but Loki hasn't stepped foot in them yet instead he's hiding in the storage compartments where there is some food and blankets and random weird stuff that only The Grandmaster would have in a ship like this. He didn't expect to be found by anyone until he _wanted_ to be found by anyone. Thor has, apparently gotten better and seeking him. Loki is more impressed than he wants to admit.

There's a bench underneath the window and Thor takes a seat on it a moment later towards the edge and leans against the frame of the window. "I find myself restless." Thor admits, if quietly. Strange, because Thor used to _boom_ everything he said into the room.

Loki is once again reminded how much of a different person Thor is now. His core elements are still there on what make Thor _Thor_ but the way he acts is...it doesn't hold the level of arrogance and recklessness that brought them to Jotunheim the day of his coronation that changed _everything._ Instead, Thor holds himself with pride but there's also a level of maturity Loki never thought Thor would gain. Thor never had issues sleeping, he's a warrior. They both are they know how important sleep is and Thor took advantage of it as much as possible. Never had trouble sleeping, when he laid down he was out.

It was always Loki with this.

Loki stares at the back of Thor's head for a moment where the short hair is a mess of tangles and waves. If it had been longer, Loki might consider braiding it. It was a skill he learned from Frigga when he was younger and she would let him braid her hair and do it with the little skill he gained. It was just another _girly_ thing about him. When Thor started growing his hair out, Loki taught him out to do it, too. Now all there is is short locks poking upwards. Loki wonders idly in the back of his mind if Thor plans on growing it out again. His brain, stuck on the manner slips out the comment before he really thinks about it: "Can't find the solstice in sucking your hair as you go to sleep anymore?"

Thor lets out a sharp laugh and glances back at Loki his eye sparkling with humor that Loki hasn't seen the last few days. Thor has a sense of humor, it's quiet legendary, actually. Odin, despite how strict and angry he seemed, did at one point crack jokes over the table that Frigga would retort sarcastically to (hearing the same joke for thousands of years does that) and Thor and Loki mimicked them. The sound of Thor's laughter sends a small bubble of pride through Loki because Thor has been so _solemn_ since they got aboard the ship. No laughter, stretched smiles, and little humor. Seriousness has stretched on him from ear to ear as he's taken up the role of kinghood. He asked Loki to be his adviser. Loki dropped the fairly expensive vase he was admiring (and trying to figure out _how_ exactly it got here) when Thor asked.

"No, I suppose not." Thor says seriously and gives a soft, mournful sigh, "It really was the only thing that could soothe me to sleep."

"Of course it was," Loki agrees, if a little dryer, "I suppose you could attempt sucking on your thumb; to see if that would help."

"Superb idea." Thor says, instantly. "I'll attempt that the next time I retire to bed."

"Excellent, you do that." Loki says and the two are quiet for another moment before Loki's lips stretch upwards in a small smile and Thor smirks wildly before dissolving into soft chuckles a moment later.

He eyes Loki and his expression falters for a moment, a panged longing taking its place. "I've missed you, Loki." He says finally. Loki bites his lip slightly. What is he supposed to say to that _?_ I missed you too, he _did_ admittedly. There brotherhood was never a lie. Thor never had a _reason_ to, sometimes, as Loki was falling through the void he would cling to that. Thor is quiet for another moment before leaning back against the wall and stretching his legs out. His brother's whole posture just radiates " _Tired!"_ easily. Loki hums slightly.

"I suppose I have as well." He admits finally, his voice much quieter. Loki swings his legs to the right and they hit the bench a moment later. Loki sits upwards before dragging himself onto the bench beside Thor. Thor's posture stiffens slightly, barely noticeable but Loki had known him for hundreds of years. Loki glances at him before realizing he unintentionally took a seat on Thor's blind spot. He tries to stuff down how his gut twists at Thor's obvious distrust of him and gnaws at his inner lip quietly.

Loki folds his arms over his chest and lets out an exhausted breath followed by a yawn a moment later. Thor turns his head towards him so he can actually _look_ at him. "When was the last time you slept?" He sounds slightly concerned. He is as aware of Loki's sleepless nights as Loki is, probably just not realizing just how much worse they've gotten.

"For more than a few hours?" Loki asks. Thor gives a confirmative sound in answer. Loki pauses, contemplating. "I...can't remember."

Thor sighs, " _Loki,"_ he starts in that exhausted weary release of air that reminds him _far_ too much of Odin's.

"It's not like I was doing it on purpose." Loki hisses, "Falling through the void and getting a sword shoved in your chest doesn't exactly leave _happy memories_."

Thor turns to look at him, "That _was_ you?"

Loki purses his lips together and clasps his fingers together quietly playing with them for a moment before softly asking, "Did you think it not?"

"No," Thor says, after a few seconds. "I was unsure if it was an illusion that died in my arms."

"Illusions are always broken by touch, Thor." Loki reminds his older brother, not loudly or in annoyance, in a level voice with a faint ringing sadness to it. Silence settles between them, not awkward or unpleasant just...quiet. Loki stares at Thor for another moment taking in his exhausted posture and the weariness. "You never went to bed." Loki states, not a question just a statement.

Thor lets out a soft rasberry, "That obvious?"

"You've never been very good at hiding things, Thor." Loki says dryly. The pieces fall into place in his head and Loki turns his upper body towards the older, "You weren't looking for me; you were wandering."

Thor pauses slightly but doesn't deny it.

Loki waits for a verbal response but doesn't get one and runs his fingers together. "Why are you awake?" He demands, no tact or bending around he's just curious and though every part of him is denying it, slightly concerned.

"I was washing my cape?" Thor offers hopefully and Loki raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. Thor's never been a skilled liar but this is bad, even for him.

A silence settles in between them for nearly a minute before Thor speaks again, his voice much lower: "I can still feel her ripping it out." His voice is barely above a whisper. His fingers trace over the eyepatch a moment later and Loki tenses. _Ah._ He does really wish that Hela had stayed around long enough for him to repeat the process to her. Thor's always been so...unbreakable. Loki's seen him injured nad near death more than a handful of times but he's always walked away with minimal damage. "I can't close my eyes _-eye_ ," Thor gives a soft bitter laugh, "without seeing it, over and over."

Loki purses his lips together and refrains from grasping Thor's shoulder and assuring him everything will be fine because Loki still can't help but flinch when someone moves quickly in front of him. It doesn't go away swiftly and Loki for one of the first times since Thor return to Asgard a few months ago, feels no desire to lie to him. Instead, he shifts across the bench so he's sitting next to Thor and lays his head on his shoulder. Thor stiffens utterly the freeze causing his spine to shift forward slightly.

Loki shoves down the slight frustration that the movement brings him-it's fitting. Loki deserves this distrust. Loki starts to lift his head because clearly this isn't helping Thor (Thor has always been comforted by comforting another-it's just part of who he is. If someone is in need and he can help them, he does so and is happy again) but Thor stops him by grasping the side of his head, firmly, but gently. "It's fine, I'm sorry, brother." Thor murmurs.

Loki gives hum and leans his head down again and Thor's posture relaxes a moment later (though it feels slightly forced) and after nearly a minute, Loki feels his eyes slip shut and he relaxes letting his stiff muscles relax against his older brother. This has always been something that they valued, if quietly, trust. Loki was known for his mischief and trickery yet few had is loyalty and trust and Thor was among those few.

A quiet silence settles between them, the only sound being the other's breathing. Loki feels himself drifting off slightly.

"You two _are_ supposed to be enemies, right?" Loki's eyes rip open from the sleep he was nearly acquainted with ( _Norns!_ ) to Valkyrie whose leaning against the doorway to the storage room, thin eyebrow raised. Thor jumps beside him, apparently have not been focused either and his arm wraps around Loki's shoulders as if to pull him backwards in protection. Loki glances at him slightly irritated and Valkyrie's lips stretch into a very soft smile at the action.

Loki thinks back at her statement and gives a huff of defiance, "Yes." He insists though he doesn't think it's true anymore. They are siblings, a part of each other now, they always have been. And...Loki is admittedly tired of losing family members.

" _I didn't do it for him."_

"Uh-huh," Valkyrie says and her lips stretch into a proper smile, "You're both sleepless and seek each others comfort. _Siblings_." She huffs the word with annoyance. "I had a sister at one point, then she died." She says the wording so calmly, notchantly, "Was a good friend though, I'm glad you guys could make up and be bro's again. Now shove over." She commands and moves towards the other end of the bench on Thor's left side. Loki rolls his eyes in defiance but obediently slides down the bench Thor moving with him.

Valkyrie collapses on Thor's other side and Loki leans his head against his older brother's shoulder again, tiredness grasping at his very being. Thor wraps his arm around Loki's shoulders again and draws him close, as if afraid something is going to pull Loki away. Like when they were children and Loki would go to him with his night terrors and Thor would tiredly sit up and Loki would sit beside him resting his head along his shoulder as Thor ran his hand along Loki's arm attempting to comfort him. Loki closes his eyes at the action but doesn't do much other than that, lost in memories. Valkyrie leans on Thor's other shoulder and Loki's lips twitch upwards slightly as he realizes that Thor has unintentionally made himself into a pillow.

Thor leans his head against Loki's a moment later and Loki closes his eyes allowing the exhaustion to overtake him. He's safe here, if anything is to grasp at him they won't succeed. Thor will stop them as he did when they were children. Even though Loki's monsters were imaginary and now they're real, but Loki lets himself pretend, if only for a little while.

The three of them sit there in a daze and Loki feels Thor's breathing even out beside him, allowing him to know that Thor has fallen asleep. Valkyrie's is getting deeper but not enough for her to be truly asleep. The woman wakes at the slightest noise however, so it's not a surprise to him when somewhere near an hour later as the beast comes trudging into the room her eyes twitch open with his own.

Loki has never been able to keep the wariness properly stuffed down and even with the exhaustion clouding him, Loki tenses at the sight of the Hulk standing in the doorway. His large frame blocks the few rays of light coming through and Loki feels his breathing hitch. The memory of all his ribs snapping as the beast smacked him against Stark's Tower isn't something he's forgotten. Thor's arm tightens slightly at Loki's sudden posture jump from relaxed to tense as if he can sense Loki's uneasiness in his sleep.

Loki eyes the beast warily but Hulk merly stares at them for a moment before turning to grab a red blanket lying on a crate and moving forward with silence Loki didn't think was possible from a beast that large. He lays the blanket over Valkyrie and Thor and Loki watches him for a moment prepared to fight and starting to pull his dagger out from his pocket dimension but Hulk simply turns stares at them for another moment as if he finds the sight enjoyable to watch before walking out of the room. Whatever he wanted long forgotten.

Valkyrie wraps the blanket around her shoulder and tosses it across Thor's lap so it hits him a moment later and Loki grasps it, hesitantly. She's a strange woman but Loki is... _fond_ of her to say the least. Valkyrie treats him with respect and equality which isn't something he's used to gaining after only meeting people. That's usually Thor, not him but this time it was both of them. He can't say he doesn't enjoy it though.

Valkyrie sighs slightly, "Go to sleep, Horn-head." She murmurs softly. Loki is not even surprised that she knew he was awake. Loki readjusts his position, tugs the long blanket over his shoulder making sure it covers his older brother before doing just as she commanded.


End file.
